he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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