After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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