i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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