the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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