i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
