just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
