i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
