some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
