So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
