tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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