it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
