So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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