M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
