I just saw a hot homeless man
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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