there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
