Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
