i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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