um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
