Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Pooping to opera.
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