Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
