Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
