What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
false alarm, still single
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
