If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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