It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
