I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
