so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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