I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
