You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
