I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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