So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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