i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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