Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
