Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
