Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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