I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
