the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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