Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
