Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
