My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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