so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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