I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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