On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize