Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
