you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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