I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
