I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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