you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize