the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
