You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
