k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize