ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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