Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
