conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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