Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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