He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
