My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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