Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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