I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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