I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
