and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
