Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
