She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
