Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
