i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
