im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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