chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
