I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
