Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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