Hey man sorry I got all grabby
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
