she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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